How I Grew to Love Everyone Unconditionally

One year ago today, my father passed away. It was one of the roughest days of my life. But ever since that day, I've lived my life how I know my dad wanted me to live it - happy. Through this, I realized how similar to my dad that I really am.

I got my personality, my sense of humor, my kindness to strangers, my thoughtfulness - everything good about me, I got from him. From seeing him doing anything he could to help someone, even if it stressed him out to no end. I know that when he helped someone and saw their face light up because of something he did, it was all worth it. Can you even think of a better role model to grow up with? 

People always tell me that I make them happy or they feel at peace or they can finally relax with me around. I don't think I really ever understood what people meant - I was just being me! But looking into myself, I realized that that is exactly how my dad made people feel, myself included. My dad gave me something that I didn't even know he had until after he passed away - the innate ability to just love people, no matter what. People will still come up to me and tell me about "this one time my dad noticed them when no one else did" or "that one time he did something without them even asking." He is and always will be my biggest inspiration. 

Dad, I hope you know that everything I ever do, I do because of you. You showed me how to be a decent human being, despite my being a brat for most of my life :) You were the most loving individual that most people had ever met in their lives and I count my blessings everyday that I got you as my dad. I love you! You will always be the most super dad ever.

Your self-worth isn't determined by your relationship status.

Recently, I've been meeting a lot of people who have the mindset that if they aren't dating someone, then they aren't happy and they look down on who they are. I was reading an article the other day that said, "If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am going to be blunt, YOU ARE WRONG. You can't be in a healthy relationship until you are happy independently. Using somebody else as a crutch for your happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship." This is exactly my thoughts on relationships that I would want to have in my life.

Growing up, I would get down that I didn't date a lot in high school because when you're young and stupid like I very much was, my self-worth was 100% about if someone was interested in me and if there wasn't, I would just be mad about my life and basically just be a drama queen. I just kept thinking, "When I get to college, it won't be long until I get married and THEN I'll be happy." I kept holding out hope that I would be married quickly and that's how I would finally be happy. Oh, how wrong I was indeed.

I've talked about this in past blog posts, but I was not even prepared for what would happen in college. I came here and felt very similar to how I had felt in high school. There weren't boys fighting over me or just randomly coming up to talk to me or walking me to class (yes, those were literally day dreams I had about college and they are very embarrassing to think about in retrospect). And like in high school, I thought that this meant I wasn't pretty or fun or worth it. How sad is that? Just because a random boy didn't ask me out and immediately fall in love with me, I was sad.

After about a year of this way of thinking, I finally realized that I didn't care. Who cares if I'm not dating somebody? I'm freaking AWESOME. I'm loyal, caring, generous, loving, and friendly. I could still be those things without a boyfriend. I found an amazing quote that really said how I feel about all this!
"It's all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate of a self love deficit." - Eartha Kitt

I love this so much. I always believed that love should be two independent people falling in love instead of being dependent on the other.

Find out who YOU are alone than who you are with someone. Develop your own skills and hobbies and find what you love about who you are. When the time is right, someone will come into your life and will recognize in you what you love about yourself. I personally cannot wait for the time to come.

<3

Birthday voicemails from my dad.

Crazy how times flies, right? I've been busy having fun here at college, not thinking about things too deeply for fear that I would fall face first into the grieving process - I don't truly think I would be strong enough to get back out if I did. I saw how all of my family was right after my dad died in October but I decided subconsciously to be the strong one. I think I knew that eventually, it'd be impossible for it not to come out, but I've been trying to preoccupy myself with other things so as not to think of it. I got through Thanksgiving and Christmas and the New Year without completely falling apart so I thought I could escape grief's seemingly inevitable grasp. But there was one thing that I never thought about - my birthday.

I turn 21 in a week. Super exciting, am I right? Now I've never been one for birthdays because I always seemed to build up how it would be in my naive head and then when it didn't reach my impossible standards, I was disappointed with the outcome. In spite of all of that, the one thing I could count on was a phone call from my parents singing me "Happy Birthday" and the promise that we would go to Red Robin when I came home from college.

As I was laying in bed tonight, sincerely attempting to fall asleep, I had a vague memory of a saved voicemail on my phone from my last birthday. Sure enough, I had saved the voicemail that was left on my phone a year ago, pretty late on the night before my birthday. My parents are both groggily singing "Happy Birthday" to me with my dad improvising "it's 1 in the morning and we're wishing you a happy birthday" at the end. Hearing his voice end the call with "I love you, byeeeee!" totally did it to the wall I had put up to defend myself from grief and I just started crying (and here I am, writing this sad blog post at 4 AM).

Before all of this, I had just finished rereading The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. I read TFIOS once right after I bought it last summer. I loved it and it was sad, but I didn't fully understand a lot of it until I reread it today. One of my favorite lines in the book is,
"Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you."

I absolutely love this quote. Grief isn't a bad thing. I believe that grief is our soul mourning the loss of another soul that touched our lives so deeply. A good friend told me right after my dad's passing, "right now you feel numb. After a couple of months, that will go away and it is then that it will hit you full on." I didn't understand what exactly she meant until today. (Apparently, today was a great to for self-realization)

I could definitely look at his death in a negative light because my father will never get to see me do a lot of things. He'll never get to see me turn 21, 30, 42, etc; he'll never get to see me graduate college, get a job, get married, have kids, follow my dreams, and so much more.

I prefer (and I know that he'd expect nothing less) to look on the positive side. He did get to see my birth, see me grow up from a crazy kid to a moody teenager to a somewhat better young woman; he got to see me graduate high school and attend college, and he's the one who helped me discover my passion in life.

Despite my overall positive way of thinking, it's easy to get caught up in grief on days like my birthday. "Pain demands to be felt" (another awesome TFIOS quote). Some days will be easier than others. I've been pretty good at making sure I don't have any bad days ever since October. It's exhausting pretending you're always totally okay though. Sometimes, pain truly does demand to be felt and it's impossible to not feel it at some point.

While my dad won't be calling me this year (or any other year) to goofily sing me "Happy Birthday," I know that I have such an awesome family that will do it instead. It'll never get easier, just more bearable to move past it and continue living.

Thanks for the call last year, Dad. I'm lucky that I will still get to hear you sing to me every year with your award-winning witty twist to the birthday song forever on my voicemail.

I love you.



***If you haven't read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, I cannot recommend it enough.***

The "Mormon Girl" Syndrome

Speaking as an unmarried, almost 21 year old LDS (also known as Mormon for all you possible non-member readers) girl, there's nothing wrong with me.

Growing up in the church is great. The youth program is amazing, seminary teaches you tons, and the people are just all around some of the best I have ever met. But the one thing that I remember taking away from Young Women's is GET MARRIED and HAVE A FAMILY and BE A GOOD SPOUSE. Now I want all of these things so much, don't get me wrong. But I was in the wrong mindset for a good couple years because I didn't fully realize everything that would happen after I graduated high school.

From the time I entered the Young Women's program at age 12 until about 19 years old, I thought this: I would graduate from high school, go to a BYU school, meet my future husband within my first year, get married, and start having kids. That has become somewhat of a stereotype among the LDS population because yes, it does happen! Quite often in fact. So I was excited to head off to BYU-Idaho and meet my future husband as soon as possible! A lot of the members in my ward joked and would say, "You better not be engaged when you come back!" I would chuckle and agree not to be, secretly hoping that I would. I wanted to be that stereotype because that's what I believed had to happen. That's what I had been expecting the whole time I was in the Young Women's program. I didn't date during high school because there weren't very many LDS options for me. I expected to be "reimbursed" so to speak those years I didn't date and find my husband quickly at college.

After the first year, nothing. I didn't even get asked on a date! After a while, I knew that most of that was my own fault. I didn't get as involved as I could have and I lived in an apartment far away from the social scene on campus. I had thought I would barely have to try and my future husband would just fall into my lap. Obviously, that didn't happen. So I went back for my second year. I dated a little and I met more guys and made more friends, but still not even close to getting married. It was at this point that I thought there was something wrong with me. I kept thinking "I'll never get married" and  "boys don't like me" and "everyone I know is getting married but me" and then not even try. I thought this for almost an entire year of my life and I thought there was something wrong with me, something that other girls I knew wouldn't understand because they weren't me.

I'm not entirely sure what changed, but I realized that I didn't even want to be married right now deep down. I was 19, almost 20, and I wanted to get married?! I was still a kid! I barely knew who I was. Not saying that I had to know who I was, but I thought I should at least more than I did then. I was still having the time of my life: being (somewhat) on my own, being in college, making new friends. I knew that I still had friends to meet that I wouldn't meet if I had been married at that point. I wanted to make a name for myself, follow my passion, and do it on my own for a little bit.

Thinking back to myself fresh out of high school sends chills down my spine. I cannot imagine who I was then to be married now. She was still naive in a lot of ways and I had to do a lot of growing up in the last two years. While yes, I would love to be married, I understand that that is not where I need to be in my life at the moment. It will come when it comes. If it doesn't, I'll deal with it.

Now to the girls in my situation or a situation similar I say this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you're still young and unmarried.  It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 24 or 35, your timetable isn't the same as everyone else's. Be happy for those who do find that person, no matter how old they are. Just look forward to the day that it is you getting married because on that day, it won't matter how old you are. It will only matter that you are truly happy.

For Russell, my father.

Everyone keeps telling me that I am handling the situation really well, way better than they could. For me, I never in a million years thought I would even be in this situation. Growing up, I never thought it would even be in any realm of possibility that I would be the girl whose dad died. It seems so harsh to put it like that, but I don't like saying "passed on" either. There doesn't seem to be a good way to describe what happened in my mind because I know I'll see him again.

I always heard stories when I was younger about how people had so many regrets with someone who had died. They didn't get to see them one last time, they didn't get to tell them they loved them, they didn't get to say those things they always meant to say. And it always seemed to make it harder for them to get on with their lives after it happened. Maybe that's the good thing with dying from an illness rather than abruptly. Sure, we didn't know when it would happen, but we had a heads up.

I remember my mom calling me and telling me he had gone downhill and how I should probably get back to Ohio as soon as I could. I was lucky enough to have people who cared about me being there so much, they bought me a plane ticket that night so I could be there the next day. I had amazing friends who drove me 4 hours to the airport at a moment's notice. I landed in Ohio and was driven straight to the hospital. My dad was so in and out at the end that you were never really sure if he knew what was happening around him, but he smiled when he saw me and he said my name.

I got to sit with him for a few hours and at one point I got to say my goodbye to him. I knew I wouldn't get another chance with him alone once the rest of my family came back and people kept coming to see him, so I said it more than 12 hours before he actually left. It's a moment I will never forget while I'm on this earth. I got to say everything to him that I always wanted to and that's way more than I could have ever asked for. But most importantly, I got to tell him I loved him. I knew he knew that, but I wanted him to hear it from me again.

One of the best moments from in the hospital was when some of ward family was visiting him. My brother Eric, my mom, and I were also in the room. My whole life, I always joked with my parents and would say, "We all know that I'm the favorite" and of course my siblings would laugh and disagree and my parents would just say, "We love all of our kids equally." Well, I made that joke again while we were in there, not knowing my dad could hear me. But he opened his eyes and looked at me and nodded his head. Of course, my brother Eric is still certain that my dad had no idea what I was saying, but I know that he meant it. Not to say my siblings aren't awesome, but come on. It's me :)

I was weirdly calm in the hospital. Maybe because I had feared this happening ever since we found out 2 years ago. Maybe I was deluding myself into thinking he would be okay even though I knew he wouldn't. Or maybe it was because I knew he had done what he needed to do here and he was needed elsewhere. I think I just knew it was time and I had made my peace with it.

The best part of the whole week in Ohio was that my whole family got to be together. Nieces and nephews that had never met got to meet. I got to see my mom. I got to see a lot of people who came to say goodbye and to support my family. Never had I felt more loved by so many people than during that week. It was just nice to be able to see all of my siblings back in Ohio again.

I will always remember my dad. I'll remember when I would call him Russell and he would say I was "dissin' him". I'll remember that time when he took me to the daddy/daughter dance when I was younger even after I lost my tooth that night and didn't want to go. I'll remember so so so many people telling me stories of how amazing my father was over and over again. I'll remember how he was a father to so many more people than just me and my siblings. I'll remember how much he loved my mother and how much he loved to have matching clothes with her. I'll remember how stubborn he was about so many things and how it frustrated me to the point of insanity. I'll remember his scrambled eggs in the morning. I'll remember how obnoxiously loud he laughed and how I pretended to hate it even though I loved it. I'll remember how he would make the WORST jokes and how they still made me laugh. I'll remember how he would only ever use his Twitter to tweet random weird things I said. I'll remember how he smelled when I would lean my head against his shoulder at church. I'll remember what a good dad and grandfather he was.

But most of all, I'll remember how he made it obvious everyday of my life that he loved me. 

I'm lucky. If it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't have found my passion in life. He was the first one who ever showed me how to edit a video I had to make for a class. After I started making videos at college, it was the one time in my life I felt overwhelming pride from him for me. I always knew he was proud of me, but that is one time in my life I could almost physically feel it. I even had started to teach him how to edit videos better after taking my classes in college. I'm lucky because I found what I love to do and every time I do it, I get to feel close to him. A lot of people can't say the same thing.

My dad was the best person I ever met and I can't wait to see him again. I love you!


P.s. - Don't worry, dad. I'll always be your little monkey.

Fast Food Slavery: Part 2

Hey everyone! So I previously did a post in this Fast Food Slavery series after I just got my job at Wendy's earlier this summer! Well in celebration of my last shift TODAY, I decided it was finally time to post some more ranting.

1) I'm not psychic. I cannot read your mind. If you ask for something and don't specify what EXACTLY you want on it, how am I supposed to know that you didn't want cheese or ketchup or anything on it at all? Or if I asked if you wanted the combo and you said, "no" and then after I give you the order ask why you didn't get your fries or drink....I'm pretty sure we were both there when I asked you if you wanted the combo.

2) I already know that I can't fully focus when someone talks so I miss some of the stuff that is said (it's actually called selective hearing...I'm not even making it up hahaha) but please never mumble. And then don't get mad when I say that I can't hear you because really? It's just rude in general to not speak clearly when someone is trying to make sure that you have a pleasant experience.

3) I'm not sure if a lot of people realize this, but drive thrus in fast food places have timers that times how fast our service is. Everyday, we try to meet our goal while also being friendly and accurate. It's pretty tough....but it's even more tough when you take more than 5 minutes to order. Not saying you should know exactly what you want RIGHT when you get up to the speaker, but just know that when you sit there taking your sweet time, there are at least 4 people listening and getting frustrated because this one order is going to mess up their otherwise great average time.

4) This is probably the most common problem I run into but we do not create the prices for the food we serve. Just because you don't like that that particular burger by itself is $3.69 doesn't mean you have to buy it let alone get rude with me because you think it's "ridiculous"...pretty sure no one is forcing you to get it.

5) Yes, we take credit cards...it's the 21st century. Sorry to be blunt, but come on.*

6) If the service is ever slow going, it's most likely because we are understaffed. We're usually supposed to have around 12 people for a rush and if we only have 6, it's not going to be as speedy. Not that we don't want you to get your food as fast as possible, it's just we are literally going as fast as we can.

7) I can understand maybe a child being timid and not being able to address a stranger (me, the cashier) to tell me their order...but if you are an adult and you're speaking to another adult to say your order for you when you're both right there, it's getting just a little ridiculous.

8) If you only say that you want, say, a #9 and then say "that's it"...what did you want? The combo? Just the sandwich? What to drink? WHAT SIZE? The questions are endless.....it'll just be easier for everyone if you say something along the lines of "a #9, medium, with a Diet Coke" because then that's all I needed to know.

9) This might just be a minor thing, but it actually kind of bugs me when someone asks for "McNuggets" or a "Happy Meal" or something...do you seriously not even realize what store you just walked into? We're actually not all the exact same amazingly enough.

10) Before I even worked at Wendy's, I realized that people literally do not even care how disgusting they are and the fact that someone has to clean it up. I can't even tell you how many times I've had to clean our condiment stand that's smeared with ketchup, drinks spilled, napkins everywhere, and more. I don't really know why the napkins are everywhere because they CLEARLY were not being used to attempt to clean up the mess. Try to be decent and help by not completely destroying where you eat. Not to say do our entire job for us, just don't be extra disgusting just because you can.


*I actually prefer cards because that means it takes about 2 seconds to swipe the card, there's no way I can mess up your change, and if it's a big order, I don't have to worry about you maybe giving me a $50 (which means I have to go run and drop it in the safe before I give you your change cause that is stressful for everyone involved).

After all of this, I actually had a pretty decent experience at Wendy's! At first, I was pretty intimidated but then I got to know my coworkers more and everyday was a new adventure. I don't think you'll ever have that kind of bond with other people because you had to slog through all the crap people throw at us and we have each other to laugh at/get mad about it with. It'll be a little sad to know that I most likely won't see a lot of them ever again, but I'll always have the hilarious stories from this summer to last me.

Until next time,

Ames

My Biggest Secret.

A lot of people that know me probably don't know this about me. I have psoriasis. I'm tired of feeling ashamed for that since I have no control over it. It's one of my biggest secrets but it's ironic since it's not something I can really hide.

For those of you who don't know what psoriasis is, it's a chronic auto immune disease. Psoriasis is when your body overproduces new skin cells. They build up in patches all over the skin and that is what you see. It's a lifelong disease with no known cure and I was diagnosed with it when I was 11. So I've lived with this for 9 years. I really don't publicly tell people about it. Even a lot of my best friends and people who have known me my whole life have never gotten my whole story about it. Honestly, at this point in my life, I can't even remember not having it. 

It's caused some of my greatest insecurities and it's probably the one thing I've cried about the most in life. One of the worst years in my entire life was in middle school. I know a lot of people had their worst year in middle school, but mine was pretty terrible. A lot of people remember one particular year where I wore a hat everyday to school. This wasn't because I thought I was cool or anything remotely close to that. It was because that my psoriasis had gotten so bad that year on my scalp I literally had a decently sized bald spot from it. I was too embarrassed to go to school like that and obviously I couldn't just not go to school. So I had to get special permission from my principal to wear it. People jokingly would sometimes take my hat off, but they had no idea the real reason I was wearing it. It was terrifying and everyday I was scared that people would see what I really looked like without the hat and not want to be friends with me anymore.

If you've met me (which if you're reading this, I hope you have), you've most likely seen my psoriasis on my arms and legs. There are months where it's been barely noticeable and then months where it's very obvious. I can have breakouts of it depending on stress, different environments, etc. I've tried pretty much every type of medication since I was 11. Some have worked for at least a short time, but most all of them have had no affect. I've had creams, sprays, lotions, UV light therapy, and so much more. Since there is no cure, I'll have this the rest of my life and it will never truly go away. 

Luckily, the few people I have told have been amazing. They understand and they don't judge me based on how I look. You'd be surprised that more often than not, people judge me when they see it. If I got a penny every time I caught someone staring at it on me, I know I'd be rich. They might get grossed out and it's really hard to deal with. I can't change the fact that I have it. There are a lot of things I hate about having it, especially the fact that I can't even try and donate bone marrow to anyone, namely my own dad, because leukemia is an auto-immune disease and so is psoriasis. 

But while having psoriasis is the hardest thing in my life, it's actually made me a better person. It's taken me 9 years to understand that. My larger than life personality is actually to compensate for my lack of normal appearance. It's also helped me to never judge a person by their looks because I hate when people do that to me. 

Now this was really hard for me to write. Why did I decide to randomly do it then? I'm not sure. It might be that I've just been getting fed up with myself and with the judging looks from others. It might be something else entirely. I just know that I've been too ashamed of this for too long and I'm tired of it. So there you go. One of my biggest secrets, all spelled out for you. I didn't write this blog post for pity. There are definitely worst things to have in life. I just wanted people to understand me better and I know a lot of people have noticed it.

So last but not least, I want to give a little shout out to all of my amazing friends. You might never have heard my story about all this, but you still treated me the same anyway. That's the only reason I became so loud and crazy. This definitely made me more closed off when I was younger and I never thought I'd be how I am today. It's those friends who treated me the same as everyone else that are some of the best people I have ever met. :)

Thanks for reading! And thanks for all the love over the years <3

Fast Food Slavery: Part 1

So I got a job - woo! I wasn't really expecting to get hired right on the spot after my interview at Wendy's three weeks ago, but then it happened and I was super excited! This is my first time working in fast food so I've noticed a lot of interesting things being on the other side of the drive-thru window. Here are some of my observations (and this is only my second week of it):

Observations
-If you have to open your door to pay me because your car window is broken, was coming through the drive-thru really your smartest decision of the day?
-BIGGEST PET PEEVE: If you're driving up to my window to pay me, don't stop 5 feet before the window to make sure you find your money...I would literally rather you pull up and let me entertain myself watching you trying to find it than having to wait to see when you'll finally decide to pull forward.
-Is it really necessary to be smoking when you pull up through the line? Let's just say I did not wake up to get smoke blown in my face.
-I'm sorry if you hate having change...but DO NOT decide to pay your amount with only change. $2 or less? Sure, go crazy. (not too crazy, but still.) But $5 or more? Now you're just being vindictive.
-If you're talking on your phone while I'm trying to talk to you, it better be important. Like you're pregnant and decided the best time to tell the father was when you were buying yourself some pregnancy cravings.
-Saying "Keep the change" when the change is 1 cent isn't really that helpful...it's not like that extra cent is going straight into my banking account. But thanks..?
-If you said it's to go and I start putting it on a tray, don't get angry and say "uhhhh this is TO GO" because that literally makes me want to "uhhhh accidentally" throw your food away. Do you even know how many orders I go through in an hour? No need to be ruuuuuude.
-If you're coming to a fast food place and you're going to only spend less than $5, do you REALLY have to use a $50 bill? Cause now it's a whole process and managers gotta get called in and I have to go put it in the safe...not even worth it.

This are just some of the ones that I could remember and some of the funnier thoughts I've had. While some of these might sound like I'm complaining, I'm totally not. I'm poking fun at my job because it's fun and it keeps me entertained! I'm really happy I got the opportunity to work at Wendy's and I can't wait to see what other funny stories I'll be having :)

How to: College

I'm in my second year (fourth semester) of college, so I'm technically not considered a "noob" anymore. So I thought I would share my thoughts about how to do college (experienced college-er style). Here is my top 10 list of things I wish I had known or realized before coming to college:

1) Don't come back to school too early or too late. Too early = you're probably going to be alone for a day or two until other people show up. Plus, you look kind of eager (which I guess can be good or bad depending). Too late = you miss all the good hang out moments before classes start.

2) Really think about what stuff you need. There is a lot of stuff I brought my first year that I NEVER used and it just took up room. Usually, your college apartment or dorm room isn't going to be the biggest so unless you wanna sleep with that giant crockpot you don't know how to use, think things through pretty thoroughly.

3) Avoid buying school books from the school as much as possible. There are some cases where the books are strictly written and sold by the school. If that's the case...sorry, pal. Otherwise, just type the ISBN number into Google, Amazon, Half.com, etc and you will most likely find the book at a significantly discounted price. If you're some kind of crazy person who has to have all BRAND NEW books....you're weird and I hope you're rich.

4) Bring lots and lots and lots of quarters. You don't get to do laundry for free anymore - you have to pay now and ONLY with quarters. You wouldn't think that is such a big deal but just wait until you need to do laundry really bad and you're just one quarter shy of the total. Then, it's the biggest deal in the world.

5) Embrace the world of cereal. The common misconception is that Ramen is the food of college...that is SO WRONG. Cereal is the very foundation upon which the college itself stands upon. You eat in the morning, you eat it at night. It never gets old because there are so many different kinds! And please, who needs proper nourishment when you have sugary Cap'n Crunch?

6) Pick two options: good grades, social life, or sleep. You can't have all three. You can either have good grades and a social life with no sleep(and just start pumping caffeine directly into your veins), a social life and sleep but fail classes, or get good grades and sleep in which you pretty much go insane with how much time you spend at home alone doing homework.

7) Homework now, party later. There will ALWAYS be another party. It's freaking college! But your homework is more important than in high school. You are literally paying to do this homework so you better homework the crap out of it. Take breaks so you don't go insane, but if you fail classes, it is your own fault and nobody else's.

8) BYU-Idaho specific: The school has an honor code - you knew that when you signed up to come here. Don't complain about how you wish you could wear flip flops or shorts...if you do, then you're an idiot. You really wanna wear shorts and flip flops to class in negative degree weather? And curfew really is only helping you. There are a lot of different parts of the honor code, but each is important. And most importantly, it's not like you didn't know about it when you came here.

9) Constantly check your school email or the place where homework assignments/grades are posted. Teachers send out emails about if class is canceled and if you don't check your email, you just wasted 15 minutes walking to class. You didn't know that assignment was due today? Should have checked online. Those tools will be your life savers.

10) Make as many friends as possible. Join a club or do something out of the norm for you. If the only friends you have on the whole campus are your roommates, then you're doing something wrong. What if you get into a fight with them or they make other friends and are never home anymore? Then who do you talk to? Making other friends is one of the biggest ways to maintain healthier relationships all around. Plus, it's fun. And you never know who you might meet... ;)

Why I Chose BYU-Idaho

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the differences between BYU Provo and BYU-Idaho (not to say BYU-Hawaii isn't just as awesome, I just never had any interest in going there at all so for the sake of this blog post, let's focus on Provo and Idaho). Growing up, I never thought much about going off to college. There are some kids who know where they want to go since before the womb. I was never really dressed up in memorabilia as a baby or grew up knowing a specific college's fight song or anything close to that. Not that there is any problem with people who grew up with that; sometimes I wish I did, but I'm glad where I ended up.

In high school, I realized "Oh, I guess I should figure out what I'm going to do after high school..." because that's what everyone else was doing. Everyone seemed to know exactly what they wanted, what they wanted to do, where they wanted to go. Then there was me, kind of stuck with not too many options. I guess deep down, I always assumed I would go to a BYU school because of how cheap it is and it would be such a NEW experience to be surrounded by Mormons instead of how I grew up: in the east with mostly all nonmembers.

At this point, it was just between BYU Provo and BYU-Idaho. I had a slew of friends who had gone to both schools and I could tell they were both different! I pretty much knew about 100% that I wouldn't get into BYU Provo - my grades and ACT score were NOT up to par for the school. I did decently well in high school, but I never pushed my potential like other kids did. I wanted to have fun and experience high school to its fullest, not stay home worrying about homework. So I didn't get straight A's in high school. Knowing this, I was never expecting to get into BYU Provo.

I never planned on even trying to get into BYU Provo. After I realized I didn't have the grades that were required, I didn't want to even try. I was just focusing on BYU-Idaho. I had such a good feeling about the school (despite the weird location) that I was just putting my trust in fate. It was cheap, a lot of my good friends were there/going there, and it was the perfect size!

But then, right around the time I was applying for BYU-Idaho, I was talking to some of my friends that went to BYU Provo. They talked up the school (as one hopefully does for their college) and pointed out the good aspects of it: I knew a lot more people there, I had a possible in for a job there, and I had a sibling at the school! I got to thinking that maybe, just maybe I could get in...despite the fact that I knew deep down that I was never meant to go there.

I applied to both! It wasn't hard, just another $35 to put the same info and send it to a different school. Then came the waiting...it was almost unbearable. Just waiting to see if you got accepted or rejected is literally one of the worst feelings! You know you shouldn't let yourself get caught up in it because then if you get rejected, it will only hurt more. But you do it anyway because it's college, you know?

Then the day came - I got into Idaho! I was so happy because this is the college I really wanted to go to!! But everyone else telling me how awesome it would be to go to Provo got me thinking that maybe I wanted to go there...until I got rejected. I cried for hours! People brought me ice cream and cards. Why was I so upset if I didn't even want to go to that school? Because rejection is probably the general public's worst fear. I lied before, getting rejected in any way, shape, or form when it's such a major stepping stone in your life is one of the worst feelings.

Eventually, the sting of rejection became less so. I realized how lucky I was to be going to college anywhere, especially BYU-Idaho. People pitied me, saying how awesome it was that I was "at least" going to BYU-Idaho. But I didn't pity myself, I was excited. If I had gotten into Provo, I would have most likely decided on going there. I always knew that I would end up in Idaho and getting rejected from Provo was just the world's way of making sure I didn't get caught up in something and make a decision that I would regret later.

That's the thing about my story though. Sure, I applied to BYU Provo, got rejected, and ended up going to BYU-Idaho. That's one of the cliches people believe about BYU-Idaho, that's it is just BYU Provo's rejection pool. But it is the furthest thing from it. I actually know a lot of people that did not even apply to Provo because they knew they wanted to go to Idaho.

 I am actually grateful that I ended up applying to (and then getting rejected from) BYU Provo. I never have to wonder, "Would I have gotten in there if I had applied?" because now I know. I know that I'm meant to go to BYU-Idaho. I'm proud! That school is AMAZING. The campus emanates such a feeling of fun, love, and peace. That school is where I discovered my true passion. It has helped me make so many memories already with so many amazing people and I'm not even halfway done.

So if you ever hear someone talking about how BYU-Idaho is just where people who got rejected from BYU Provo go, tell them they are mistaken. Sure, we won't deny that those people exist. But they come to Idaho and fall in love with the school and then are so happy they are there, it doesn't matter! BYU-IDAHO RULES. Aw yeah.


***Also, here's a shameless plug of a video I made...but don't fret, it goes along with the theme of the blog***

check out "Stuff BYU-I Students Say" here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tge00i_CKP8

The Truth About Boys & Girls

Here's the thing about boys and girls - they're both crazy in their own way. Recently, I've learned that we all see things differently. Most importantly, boys see things differently than girls and vice versa.  So what makes us so different?

Boys: they see things as direct. They don't really see the subtle hints or relational aspects of things. I have known pretty much every male stereotype and it doesn't really change at all. This is why a lot of girls call boys "dumb". For example, if a boy and a girl go out as friends and the guy buys the food, the guy might just see it as him being nice and a good friend. The girl might see it as "oh my gosh, he's buying my food?? what does this mean?! " Or another example is when a girl likes the guy and everyone and their brother can tell EXCEPT for the guy. Why? Because that guy doesn't really get the subtle hints that the girl drops. He might not be interested in her as more than a friend or even think she's interested in him like that.

Girls: we are the opposite. While a boy might see just what something is, girls see EVERYTHING else on the planet. We over think and over analyze everything! A lot of girls do this because they're insecure of themselves, even if who they are is so amazing! This is why boys call us "crazy". We're not crazy! Girls get emotional (both positively and negatively) all of the time. If you think you get the short end of the stick, try living with 5 other girls your own age. (p.s. - I love my roommates! But we all do get crazy, myself included hahaha) We just feel things way differently than guys do. For example, say a guy texts the girl first. Sure, it MIGHT mean that he is interested in the girl as more than a friend. But if the girl is using that one time he texted her first as the basis of their entire nonexistent relationship, she might need to calm it down.

So the next time you call a boy dumb or a girl crazy, try to realize that it's a lot more than that! We don't see things the same.

**Sometimes, there are just some dumb guys and crazy girls. I can't really explain what their problem is....but overall, there's a general explanation behind everyone's behavior.**

How I Became Confident

The other day, I told my friend that I used to be shy and she was dumbfounded. "You, shy? You're joking right?" No, definitely not joking. A lot of people have told me that they think that I am a confident person. I'm glad that they see me as a confident person because it seriously took a lot to be where I am today!

Everyone has issues in their life that affects their self-esteem. Mine definitely had a huge impact on me from around age 11 and I became shy and afraid of what other people might think of me if they knew who I really was. At such a young age, it's hard to think anything else.

I got to about 14 and I was still pretty shy, didn't really talk out loud to other people much, and then I became friends with some of the louder girls at church. They were so much fun! I had wanted to be friends with them for so long because I just thought they were the coolest people ever. Without them knowing it, they influenced me so much and helped to break me out of that shell that I had forced my bubbly personality into.

Slowly but surely, by age 17, I finally realized that I didn't even care that much anymore. I'd love to say that I didn't care at all, but anyone who says that is definitely lying. I pretty much tripled the amount of friends I had just because I felt better about who I was as a person. The last three years of high school were amazing but I still had so much to do to fully grow into the confident person I am today.

First year of college happened. 2000 miles away from home, so many new people, completely new terrain and humor and everything that I had grown comfortable with. I became that shy person again for the first 2 months of college and I hated it! I felt like I was back in middle school somewhat. I was afraid to talk to people or make a fool of myself.

Then finally, I met some people who I became really great friends with and I broke out of my shell again. Why was I so afraid to talk to other people? Why was it a big deal? The answer is that it wasn't a big deal. I let my self-esteem get the best of me and make me think that I was too awkward or too loud to make friends and have fun.

That doesn't even make sense! Half of my humor is how awkward I am and the other half is how loud I am! When I finally realized that, I just wanted to have fun and make a bunch of friends. So now, in my second year of college I can finally say that I am happy with who I am. I love my personality, I love that I am loud, and I love that I can make people laugh.

Because of all of this, I am proud to have had a long journey to get to where I am. I'm comfortable in who I am, what I do, and how I act. And of course there will always be someone who doesn't like you but if they don't like you, then who cares? Because I sure don't.

So here's my last piece of advice to everyone: confidence isn't being loud or funny; confidence is being true to who you are and realizing that the only way to be confident is to be happy.

:)

The Snooze Button Syndrome

Lately, I've noticed how much I actually hit the snooze button when trying to wake up. When did the snooze button become such a thing? I literally set my alarm clock earlier than I want to wake up just so I can snooze it for like 30 minutes. Does hitting the snooze button actually do anything?

I feel like the snooze button is just dumb (in my opinion) because I constantly snooze and sometimes I snooze so many times, it passes the time I actually needed to get up. I almost wish the snooze button was like a mother. 

"Mommmmmm, five more minutes"

"No, you're getting up right now!"

Because usually, that made me get up. Or it involved me getting my blanket ripped off of me so then I basically suffered hypothermia and had to wake up. 

Who in the world decided that we needed to get just 10 more minutes of sleep? Those 10 minutes will literally pretty much do nothing for you. And for a lot of that 10 minutes, you're trying to force your body to go back to sleep. It's just a never ending circle of dumb. 

Now obviously, I like my snooze button. It's nice and worn down by now. But I only like it because it's pretty much just an extension of my laziness. It does not increase my productivity by any means - it most likely hinders my productivity actually. And I think this is where procrastination starts early. We know we are supposed to do something, but we keep putting off the inevitable until the last minute and then we're rushed and stressed because why didn't we just do it before now?!

I'm not saying there aren't some weirdos out there (just kidding....but not really) who practically JUMP out of bed in the morning as soon as their alarms go off and they probably don't even know where their snooze button is on their alarm. I know I'm pretty much the polar opposite of that. I like my sleep, my warm bed likes me, and so the cycle continues. But I just WISH that I was one of those weirdos who can just jump out of bed in the morning and start doing whatever I need to. 

I guess I'm just curious when the snooze button became a thing! If the snooze button had never been invented, I wonder if how we wake up would be vastly different today. We wouldn't get accustomed to the obnoxious sound our alarms make and would wake up fully the first time it went off. 

I'm trying hard to try and rewire my brain to realize how annoying that beeping my alarm is so that it will get so annoyed the first time, it won't want to go back to sleep and I can actually get stuff done. I'm wishing myself all the luck in the world because I'm at college and I'm always tired....and let's be honest, MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M AMY SCHNECK. :)

The Typical "Prince Charming and Damsel in Distress" Scenario

So I randomly thought about this topic tonight of how guys are always supposed to make the first move on girls. I guess I don't really agree with this idea. I've never been one to sit around and hopelessly wait for some "Prince Charming" because I don't like feeling like I have to rely on someone else to be happy.** I'm a pretty independent girl (at least compared to some of the girls I've met) so I've never felt like I need to have someone right here, right now put the moves on me and make me feel special. I encountered a girl out at school say, "Never be the girl who asks the guy out or talks to him first, it makes you look bad." And in my head I was seriously basically just like, "Uhh what! Why would that make you look so bad?"

I guess I understand where girls think that if they were the one that started the conversation or asked him out that it will make them look "desperate" or something along those lines. But I think that a girl who can do those things has, for lack of a better term, some serious balls! A girl who isn't just waiting around, dropping really not so subtle hints that they like the guy. I guess you could classify them as a type of "damsel in distress", the distress being that the so-called "Prince" is being an idiot.

It always confused me when someone tells me that they like someone but they haven't really tried too hard to actually do something about it. I don't know, I've actually put myself out there before on different occasions just to see what happens and yeah, it sucks to not have what you want to happen actually happen. But I heard this awesome quote the other day, "If you never ask, the answer will always be no." That is so accurate! If you never put yourself out there, you'll always wonder! Wouldn't you rather be the person to just cut the crap and say, "hey, so here's what's up: I like you"?! I would rather be that person than the person who was too scared of rejection to actually put thoughts into actions.

A lot of girls I knew in high school never wanted to be the ones to ask guys to dances and stuff like that, which I can appreciate for sure! Of course it is always nice to have someone ask you and want to go with you. But if it's been like weeks and still no one's asked you to go, wouldn't you just rather man up, rub some dirt on it, and ask someone? It just boggles my mind when someone is like, "I'm not going to (insert event here) because I don't have a date." Well, you could have a date. Just sayin'.

I was never really afraid of asking a guy friend out to a dance. Of course, let's definitely emphasize the FRIEND part. But being Mormon in a mostly non-Mormon high school really doesn't give me many decent options for a non-friend date. But I made due and I honestly can say that I had some of my best high school memories at my school dances because I had made the decision to ask an awesome guy to come with me!

So my final advice for girls is this: You'll never know until you try and if you never ask, the answer will always be no. Don't be afraid to just go for it! You seriously will never know what can happen until you do :)

And for guys: Don't be freaked out if the girl makes the first move. Obviously, if she makes the first move, then she freaking LIKES YOU. Don't confuse it with anything else. If she makes an effort to talk to you and/or hang out with you, then she likes you. And you should be flattered! (If you're interested in them back that is. If not, eh. hahahaha just kidding. Don't lead them on, it's not cool.)

Okay, I think I got most of my feelings about this topic out. Good day, sir. I SAID GOOD DAY. <3

**Of course I'm ultimately looking for someone to be happy with, but having them in my life right at this moment does not determine if I'm happy or not.


NOTE: I'm not saying even in the slightest that guys shouldn't be making the first move. But girls, if the guy is being stupid, then seriously just cowboy (cowgirl?) up and do it yourself. Don't just sit idly by and wonder because you're wasting your own time. Okay, now I'm really done.

Why I am completely and utterly OBSESSED with Harry Potter.

People ask me all the time why I am soooo obsessed with Harry Potter. Who cares if I am an 18 year old girl who has read the entire series so many times, she stopped counting after the 38th time reading all 7 books? You might call that obsessive, I call it....well actually upon further reflection, I also call it obsessive. BUT! I only continue to read it over and over again because it's almost like the characters in the books are my friends. You can call me weird and whatever else all you want, but those kids were ALWAYS there for me when I was happy, sad, lonely, and everything else a teenager is. Especially in middle school which was basically the worst time of my life. That is when I went on my "Harry Potter binge" so to speak and read the series so many times, I almost had it memorized.
Why is Harry Potter so special to me? I guess I am just so intrigued with the thought of a magical world that I was drawn in at such a young age and I kind of just never left. Also, I like to think about if I was Harry Potter, who would be my Ron and Hermione in real life? They are such loyal friends to Harry and they both have special traits that make them unique but also perfect to balance them all out. I know it seems like I'm over thinking all of this, but when reading something that I feel enriches my soul so much, my mind goes overboard thinking about everything.
I was one of those kids who sat waiting for the UPS truck to pull up the day a new book came out. I was one of those kids who when they finally got that brand new book in their hands, immediately opened it and dove into the wonderful world of Harry Potter without even taking a breath. I remember staying up until 3 a.m. one saturday night reading one of these books until my dad came into my room and told me he would take all my books away if I didn't go to sleep because we had church the next day. I had a Harry Potter shrine hidden away in my old closet that I would go hide myself in and read there for hours. For the Harry Potter movie midnight premieres, I was the kid camping outside of the theater for 4 hours before the movie started because I was that excited. I legitimately got into a fight with one of my best friends because she said something that happened in one of the movies, happened in the book when it really didn't...don't ask me why I got so mad, but I did. (we're all good now by the way hahaha) When people ask me what the one thing I would save if my house was on fire, I immediately say my HP books. They are so important to me.  This is how seriously I take Harry Potter.
Now, you might be wondering why I'm divulging all this potentially embarrassing information about myself and my wonderful obsession. I just bought my tickets to the last Harry Potter movie midnight premiere EVER. You don't understand how ecstatic I am to be going and seeing the last major HP moment to happen for the world to see. But, I'm also nostalgic because it feels like my childhood is officially over after the movies are all done and out. This is something I have laughed with and cried with for more than 9 years. It is amazing to see how much time flies and how much I have changed since I first read the first HP book. Just going to see this movie will really be a testament to me of how much I am growing up and how much my life will be changing very soon. Luckily, the words on the pages of the books will never fade just like the impression that Harry Potter has made in my life will never ever go away even when I am all grown up.