Speaking as an unmarried, almost 21 year old LDS (also known as Mormon for all you possible non-member readers) girl, there's nothing wrong with me.
Growing up in the church is great. The youth program is amazing, seminary teaches you tons, and the people are just all around some of the best I have ever met. But the one thing that I remember taking away from Young Women's is GET MARRIED and HAVE A FAMILY and BE A GOOD SPOUSE. Now I want all of these things so much, don't get me wrong. But I was in the wrong mindset for a good couple years because I didn't fully realize everything that would happen after I graduated high school.
From the time I entered the Young Women's program at age 12 until about 19 years old, I thought this: I would graduate from high school, go to a BYU school, meet my future husband within my first year, get married, and start having kids. That has become somewhat of a stereotype among the LDS population because yes, it does happen! Quite often in fact. So I was excited to head off to BYU-Idaho and meet my future husband as soon as possible! A lot of the members in my ward joked and would say, "You better not be engaged when you come back!" I would chuckle and agree not to be, secretly hoping that I would. I wanted to be that stereotype because that's what I believed had to happen. That's what I had been expecting the whole time I was in the Young Women's program. I didn't date during high school because there weren't very many LDS options for me. I expected to be "reimbursed" so to speak those years I didn't date and find my husband quickly at college.
After the first year, nothing. I didn't even get asked on a date! After a while, I knew that most of that was my own fault. I didn't get as involved as I could have and I lived in an apartment far away from the social scene on campus. I had thought I would barely have to try and my future husband would just fall into my lap. Obviously, that didn't happen. So I went back for my second year. I dated a little and I met more guys and made more friends, but still not even close to getting married. It was at this point that I thought there was something wrong with me. I kept thinking "I'll never get married" and "boys don't like me" and "everyone I know is getting married but me" and then not even try. I thought this for almost an entire year of my life and I thought there was something wrong with me, something that other girls I knew wouldn't understand because they weren't me.
I'm not entirely sure what changed, but I realized that I didn't even want to be married right now deep down. I was 19, almost 20, and I wanted to get married?! I was still a kid! I barely knew who I was. Not saying that I had to know who I was, but I thought I should at least more than I did then. I was still having the time of my life: being (somewhat) on my own, being in college, making new friends. I knew that I still had friends to meet that I wouldn't meet if I had been married at that point. I wanted to make a name for myself, follow my passion, and do it on my own for a little bit.
Thinking back to myself fresh out of high school sends chills down my spine. I cannot imagine who I was then to be married now. She was still naive in a lot of ways and I had to do a lot of growing up in the last two years. While yes, I would love to be married, I understand that that is not where I need to be in my life at the moment. It will come when it comes. If it doesn't, I'll deal with it.
Now to the girls in my situation or a situation similar I say this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you're still young and unmarried. It doesn't matter if you're 18 or 24 or 35, your timetable isn't the same as everyone else's. Be happy for those who do find that person, no matter how old they are. Just look forward to the day that it is you getting married because on that day, it won't matter how old you are. It will only matter that you are truly happy.
