For Russell, my father.

Everyone keeps telling me that I am handling the situation really well, way better than they could. For me, I never in a million years thought I would even be in this situation. Growing up, I never thought it would even be in any realm of possibility that I would be the girl whose dad died. It seems so harsh to put it like that, but I don't like saying "passed on" either. There doesn't seem to be a good way to describe what happened in my mind because I know I'll see him again.

I always heard stories when I was younger about how people had so many regrets with someone who had died. They didn't get to see them one last time, they didn't get to tell them they loved them, they didn't get to say those things they always meant to say. And it always seemed to make it harder for them to get on with their lives after it happened. Maybe that's the good thing with dying from an illness rather than abruptly. Sure, we didn't know when it would happen, but we had a heads up.

I remember my mom calling me and telling me he had gone downhill and how I should probably get back to Ohio as soon as I could. I was lucky enough to have people who cared about me being there so much, they bought me a plane ticket that night so I could be there the next day. I had amazing friends who drove me 4 hours to the airport at a moment's notice. I landed in Ohio and was driven straight to the hospital. My dad was so in and out at the end that you were never really sure if he knew what was happening around him, but he smiled when he saw me and he said my name.

I got to sit with him for a few hours and at one point I got to say my goodbye to him. I knew I wouldn't get another chance with him alone once the rest of my family came back and people kept coming to see him, so I said it more than 12 hours before he actually left. It's a moment I will never forget while I'm on this earth. I got to say everything to him that I always wanted to and that's way more than I could have ever asked for. But most importantly, I got to tell him I loved him. I knew he knew that, but I wanted him to hear it from me again.

One of the best moments from in the hospital was when some of ward family was visiting him. My brother Eric, my mom, and I were also in the room. My whole life, I always joked with my parents and would say, "We all know that I'm the favorite" and of course my siblings would laugh and disagree and my parents would just say, "We love all of our kids equally." Well, I made that joke again while we were in there, not knowing my dad could hear me. But he opened his eyes and looked at me and nodded his head. Of course, my brother Eric is still certain that my dad had no idea what I was saying, but I know that he meant it. Not to say my siblings aren't awesome, but come on. It's me :)

I was weirdly calm in the hospital. Maybe because I had feared this happening ever since we found out 2 years ago. Maybe I was deluding myself into thinking he would be okay even though I knew he wouldn't. Or maybe it was because I knew he had done what he needed to do here and he was needed elsewhere. I think I just knew it was time and I had made my peace with it.

The best part of the whole week in Ohio was that my whole family got to be together. Nieces and nephews that had never met got to meet. I got to see my mom. I got to see a lot of people who came to say goodbye and to support my family. Never had I felt more loved by so many people than during that week. It was just nice to be able to see all of my siblings back in Ohio again.

I will always remember my dad. I'll remember when I would call him Russell and he would say I was "dissin' him". I'll remember that time when he took me to the daddy/daughter dance when I was younger even after I lost my tooth that night and didn't want to go. I'll remember so so so many people telling me stories of how amazing my father was over and over again. I'll remember how he was a father to so many more people than just me and my siblings. I'll remember how much he loved my mother and how much he loved to have matching clothes with her. I'll remember how stubborn he was about so many things and how it frustrated me to the point of insanity. I'll remember his scrambled eggs in the morning. I'll remember how obnoxiously loud he laughed and how I pretended to hate it even though I loved it. I'll remember how he would make the WORST jokes and how they still made me laugh. I'll remember how he would only ever use his Twitter to tweet random weird things I said. I'll remember how he smelled when I would lean my head against his shoulder at church. I'll remember what a good dad and grandfather he was.

But most of all, I'll remember how he made it obvious everyday of my life that he loved me. 

I'm lucky. If it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't have found my passion in life. He was the first one who ever showed me how to edit a video I had to make for a class. After I started making videos at college, it was the one time in my life I felt overwhelming pride from him for me. I always knew he was proud of me, but that is one time in my life I could almost physically feel it. I even had started to teach him how to edit videos better after taking my classes in college. I'm lucky because I found what I love to do and every time I do it, I get to feel close to him. A lot of people can't say the same thing.

My dad was the best person I ever met and I can't wait to see him again. I love you!


P.s. - Don't worry, dad. I'll always be your little monkey.

Fast Food Slavery: Part 2

Hey everyone! So I previously did a post in this Fast Food Slavery series after I just got my job at Wendy's earlier this summer! Well in celebration of my last shift TODAY, I decided it was finally time to post some more ranting.

1) I'm not psychic. I cannot read your mind. If you ask for something and don't specify what EXACTLY you want on it, how am I supposed to know that you didn't want cheese or ketchup or anything on it at all? Or if I asked if you wanted the combo and you said, "no" and then after I give you the order ask why you didn't get your fries or drink....I'm pretty sure we were both there when I asked you if you wanted the combo.

2) I already know that I can't fully focus when someone talks so I miss some of the stuff that is said (it's actually called selective hearing...I'm not even making it up hahaha) but please never mumble. And then don't get mad when I say that I can't hear you because really? It's just rude in general to not speak clearly when someone is trying to make sure that you have a pleasant experience.

3) I'm not sure if a lot of people realize this, but drive thrus in fast food places have timers that times how fast our service is. Everyday, we try to meet our goal while also being friendly and accurate. It's pretty tough....but it's even more tough when you take more than 5 minutes to order. Not saying you should know exactly what you want RIGHT when you get up to the speaker, but just know that when you sit there taking your sweet time, there are at least 4 people listening and getting frustrated because this one order is going to mess up their otherwise great average time.

4) This is probably the most common problem I run into but we do not create the prices for the food we serve. Just because you don't like that that particular burger by itself is $3.69 doesn't mean you have to buy it let alone get rude with me because you think it's "ridiculous"...pretty sure no one is forcing you to get it.

5) Yes, we take credit cards...it's the 21st century. Sorry to be blunt, but come on.*

6) If the service is ever slow going, it's most likely because we are understaffed. We're usually supposed to have around 12 people for a rush and if we only have 6, it's not going to be as speedy. Not that we don't want you to get your food as fast as possible, it's just we are literally going as fast as we can.

7) I can understand maybe a child being timid and not being able to address a stranger (me, the cashier) to tell me their order...but if you are an adult and you're speaking to another adult to say your order for you when you're both right there, it's getting just a little ridiculous.

8) If you only say that you want, say, a #9 and then say "that's it"...what did you want? The combo? Just the sandwich? What to drink? WHAT SIZE? The questions are endless.....it'll just be easier for everyone if you say something along the lines of "a #9, medium, with a Diet Coke" because then that's all I needed to know.

9) This might just be a minor thing, but it actually kind of bugs me when someone asks for "McNuggets" or a "Happy Meal" or something...do you seriously not even realize what store you just walked into? We're actually not all the exact same amazingly enough.

10) Before I even worked at Wendy's, I realized that people literally do not even care how disgusting they are and the fact that someone has to clean it up. I can't even tell you how many times I've had to clean our condiment stand that's smeared with ketchup, drinks spilled, napkins everywhere, and more. I don't really know why the napkins are everywhere because they CLEARLY were not being used to attempt to clean up the mess. Try to be decent and help by not completely destroying where you eat. Not to say do our entire job for us, just don't be extra disgusting just because you can.


*I actually prefer cards because that means it takes about 2 seconds to swipe the card, there's no way I can mess up your change, and if it's a big order, I don't have to worry about you maybe giving me a $50 (which means I have to go run and drop it in the safe before I give you your change cause that is stressful for everyone involved).

After all of this, I actually had a pretty decent experience at Wendy's! At first, I was pretty intimidated but then I got to know my coworkers more and everyday was a new adventure. I don't think you'll ever have that kind of bond with other people because you had to slog through all the crap people throw at us and we have each other to laugh at/get mad about it with. It'll be a little sad to know that I most likely won't see a lot of them ever again, but I'll always have the hilarious stories from this summer to last me.

Until next time,

Ames

My Biggest Secret.

A lot of people that know me probably don't know this about me. I have psoriasis. I'm tired of feeling ashamed for that since I have no control over it. It's one of my biggest secrets but it's ironic since it's not something I can really hide.

For those of you who don't know what psoriasis is, it's a chronic auto immune disease. Psoriasis is when your body overproduces new skin cells. They build up in patches all over the skin and that is what you see. It's a lifelong disease with no known cure and I was diagnosed with it when I was 11. So I've lived with this for 9 years. I really don't publicly tell people about it. Even a lot of my best friends and people who have known me my whole life have never gotten my whole story about it. Honestly, at this point in my life, I can't even remember not having it. 

It's caused some of my greatest insecurities and it's probably the one thing I've cried about the most in life. One of the worst years in my entire life was in middle school. I know a lot of people had their worst year in middle school, but mine was pretty terrible. A lot of people remember one particular year where I wore a hat everyday to school. This wasn't because I thought I was cool or anything remotely close to that. It was because that my psoriasis had gotten so bad that year on my scalp I literally had a decently sized bald spot from it. I was too embarrassed to go to school like that and obviously I couldn't just not go to school. So I had to get special permission from my principal to wear it. People jokingly would sometimes take my hat off, but they had no idea the real reason I was wearing it. It was terrifying and everyday I was scared that people would see what I really looked like without the hat and not want to be friends with me anymore.

If you've met me (which if you're reading this, I hope you have), you've most likely seen my psoriasis on my arms and legs. There are months where it's been barely noticeable and then months where it's very obvious. I can have breakouts of it depending on stress, different environments, etc. I've tried pretty much every type of medication since I was 11. Some have worked for at least a short time, but most all of them have had no affect. I've had creams, sprays, lotions, UV light therapy, and so much more. Since there is no cure, I'll have this the rest of my life and it will never truly go away. 

Luckily, the few people I have told have been amazing. They understand and they don't judge me based on how I look. You'd be surprised that more often than not, people judge me when they see it. If I got a penny every time I caught someone staring at it on me, I know I'd be rich. They might get grossed out and it's really hard to deal with. I can't change the fact that I have it. There are a lot of things I hate about having it, especially the fact that I can't even try and donate bone marrow to anyone, namely my own dad, because leukemia is an auto-immune disease and so is psoriasis. 

But while having psoriasis is the hardest thing in my life, it's actually made me a better person. It's taken me 9 years to understand that. My larger than life personality is actually to compensate for my lack of normal appearance. It's also helped me to never judge a person by their looks because I hate when people do that to me. 

Now this was really hard for me to write. Why did I decide to randomly do it then? I'm not sure. It might be that I've just been getting fed up with myself and with the judging looks from others. It might be something else entirely. I just know that I've been too ashamed of this for too long and I'm tired of it. So there you go. One of my biggest secrets, all spelled out for you. I didn't write this blog post for pity. There are definitely worst things to have in life. I just wanted people to understand me better and I know a lot of people have noticed it.

So last but not least, I want to give a little shout out to all of my amazing friends. You might never have heard my story about all this, but you still treated me the same anyway. That's the only reason I became so loud and crazy. This definitely made me more closed off when I was younger and I never thought I'd be how I am today. It's those friends who treated me the same as everyone else that are some of the best people I have ever met. :)

Thanks for reading! And thanks for all the love over the years <3

Fast Food Slavery: Part 1

So I got a job - woo! I wasn't really expecting to get hired right on the spot after my interview at Wendy's three weeks ago, but then it happened and I was super excited! This is my first time working in fast food so I've noticed a lot of interesting things being on the other side of the drive-thru window. Here are some of my observations (and this is only my second week of it):

Observations
-If you have to open your door to pay me because your car window is broken, was coming through the drive-thru really your smartest decision of the day?
-BIGGEST PET PEEVE: If you're driving up to my window to pay me, don't stop 5 feet before the window to make sure you find your money...I would literally rather you pull up and let me entertain myself watching you trying to find it than having to wait to see when you'll finally decide to pull forward.
-Is it really necessary to be smoking when you pull up through the line? Let's just say I did not wake up to get smoke blown in my face.
-I'm sorry if you hate having change...but DO NOT decide to pay your amount with only change. $2 or less? Sure, go crazy. (not too crazy, but still.) But $5 or more? Now you're just being vindictive.
-If you're talking on your phone while I'm trying to talk to you, it better be important. Like you're pregnant and decided the best time to tell the father was when you were buying yourself some pregnancy cravings.
-Saying "Keep the change" when the change is 1 cent isn't really that helpful...it's not like that extra cent is going straight into my banking account. But thanks..?
-If you said it's to go and I start putting it on a tray, don't get angry and say "uhhhh this is TO GO" because that literally makes me want to "uhhhh accidentally" throw your food away. Do you even know how many orders I go through in an hour? No need to be ruuuuuude.
-If you're coming to a fast food place and you're going to only spend less than $5, do you REALLY have to use a $50 bill? Cause now it's a whole process and managers gotta get called in and I have to go put it in the safe...not even worth it.

This are just some of the ones that I could remember and some of the funnier thoughts I've had. While some of these might sound like I'm complaining, I'm totally not. I'm poking fun at my job because it's fun and it keeps me entertained! I'm really happy I got the opportunity to work at Wendy's and I can't wait to see what other funny stories I'll be having :)

How to: College

I'm in my second year (fourth semester) of college, so I'm technically not considered a "noob" anymore. So I thought I would share my thoughts about how to do college (experienced college-er style). Here is my top 10 list of things I wish I had known or realized before coming to college:

1) Don't come back to school too early or too late. Too early = you're probably going to be alone for a day or two until other people show up. Plus, you look kind of eager (which I guess can be good or bad depending). Too late = you miss all the good hang out moments before classes start.

2) Really think about what stuff you need. There is a lot of stuff I brought my first year that I NEVER used and it just took up room. Usually, your college apartment or dorm room isn't going to be the biggest so unless you wanna sleep with that giant crockpot you don't know how to use, think things through pretty thoroughly.

3) Avoid buying school books from the school as much as possible. There are some cases where the books are strictly written and sold by the school. If that's the case...sorry, pal. Otherwise, just type the ISBN number into Google, Amazon, Half.com, etc and you will most likely find the book at a significantly discounted price. If you're some kind of crazy person who has to have all BRAND NEW books....you're weird and I hope you're rich.

4) Bring lots and lots and lots of quarters. You don't get to do laundry for free anymore - you have to pay now and ONLY with quarters. You wouldn't think that is such a big deal but just wait until you need to do laundry really bad and you're just one quarter shy of the total. Then, it's the biggest deal in the world.

5) Embrace the world of cereal. The common misconception is that Ramen is the food of college...that is SO WRONG. Cereal is the very foundation upon which the college itself stands upon. You eat in the morning, you eat it at night. It never gets old because there are so many different kinds! And please, who needs proper nourishment when you have sugary Cap'n Crunch?

6) Pick two options: good grades, social life, or sleep. You can't have all three. You can either have good grades and a social life with no sleep(and just start pumping caffeine directly into your veins), a social life and sleep but fail classes, or get good grades and sleep in which you pretty much go insane with how much time you spend at home alone doing homework.

7) Homework now, party later. There will ALWAYS be another party. It's freaking college! But your homework is more important than in high school. You are literally paying to do this homework so you better homework the crap out of it. Take breaks so you don't go insane, but if you fail classes, it is your own fault and nobody else's.

8) BYU-Idaho specific: The school has an honor code - you knew that when you signed up to come here. Don't complain about how you wish you could wear flip flops or shorts...if you do, then you're an idiot. You really wanna wear shorts and flip flops to class in negative degree weather? And curfew really is only helping you. There are a lot of different parts of the honor code, but each is important. And most importantly, it's not like you didn't know about it when you came here.

9) Constantly check your school email or the place where homework assignments/grades are posted. Teachers send out emails about if class is canceled and if you don't check your email, you just wasted 15 minutes walking to class. You didn't know that assignment was due today? Should have checked online. Those tools will be your life savers.

10) Make as many friends as possible. Join a club or do something out of the norm for you. If the only friends you have on the whole campus are your roommates, then you're doing something wrong. What if you get into a fight with them or they make other friends and are never home anymore? Then who do you talk to? Making other friends is one of the biggest ways to maintain healthier relationships all around. Plus, it's fun. And you never know who you might meet... ;)