My Biggest Secret.

A lot of people that know me probably don't know this about me. I have psoriasis. I'm tired of feeling ashamed for that since I have no control over it. It's one of my biggest secrets but it's ironic since it's not something I can really hide.

For those of you who don't know what psoriasis is, it's a chronic auto immune disease. Psoriasis is when your body overproduces new skin cells. They build up in patches all over the skin and that is what you see. It's a lifelong disease with no known cure and I was diagnosed with it when I was 11. So I've lived with this for 9 years. I really don't publicly tell people about it. Even a lot of my best friends and people who have known me my whole life have never gotten my whole story about it. Honestly, at this point in my life, I can't even remember not having it. 

It's caused some of my greatest insecurities and it's probably the one thing I've cried about the most in life. One of the worst years in my entire life was in middle school. I know a lot of people had their worst year in middle school, but mine was pretty terrible. A lot of people remember one particular year where I wore a hat everyday to school. This wasn't because I thought I was cool or anything remotely close to that. It was because that my psoriasis had gotten so bad that year on my scalp I literally had a decently sized bald spot from it. I was too embarrassed to go to school like that and obviously I couldn't just not go to school. So I had to get special permission from my principal to wear it. People jokingly would sometimes take my hat off, but they had no idea the real reason I was wearing it. It was terrifying and everyday I was scared that people would see what I really looked like without the hat and not want to be friends with me anymore.

If you've met me (which if you're reading this, I hope you have), you've most likely seen my psoriasis on my arms and legs. There are months where it's been barely noticeable and then months where it's very obvious. I can have breakouts of it depending on stress, different environments, etc. I've tried pretty much every type of medication since I was 11. Some have worked for at least a short time, but most all of them have had no affect. I've had creams, sprays, lotions, UV light therapy, and so much more. Since there is no cure, I'll have this the rest of my life and it will never truly go away. 

Luckily, the few people I have told have been amazing. They understand and they don't judge me based on how I look. You'd be surprised that more often than not, people judge me when they see it. If I got a penny every time I caught someone staring at it on me, I know I'd be rich. They might get grossed out and it's really hard to deal with. I can't change the fact that I have it. There are a lot of things I hate about having it, especially the fact that I can't even try and donate bone marrow to anyone, namely my own dad, because leukemia is an auto-immune disease and so is psoriasis. 

But while having psoriasis is the hardest thing in my life, it's actually made me a better person. It's taken me 9 years to understand that. My larger than life personality is actually to compensate for my lack of normal appearance. It's also helped me to never judge a person by their looks because I hate when people do that to me. 

Now this was really hard for me to write. Why did I decide to randomly do it then? I'm not sure. It might be that I've just been getting fed up with myself and with the judging looks from others. It might be something else entirely. I just know that I've been too ashamed of this for too long and I'm tired of it. So there you go. One of my biggest secrets, all spelled out for you. I didn't write this blog post for pity. There are definitely worst things to have in life. I just wanted people to understand me better and I know a lot of people have noticed it.

So last but not least, I want to give a little shout out to all of my amazing friends. You might never have heard my story about all this, but you still treated me the same anyway. That's the only reason I became so loud and crazy. This definitely made me more closed off when I was younger and I never thought I'd be how I am today. It's those friends who treated me the same as everyone else that are some of the best people I have ever met. :)

Thanks for reading! And thanks for all the love over the years <3

Fast Food Slavery: Part 1

So I got a job - woo! I wasn't really expecting to get hired right on the spot after my interview at Wendy's three weeks ago, but then it happened and I was super excited! This is my first time working in fast food so I've noticed a lot of interesting things being on the other side of the drive-thru window. Here are some of my observations (and this is only my second week of it):

Observations
-If you have to open your door to pay me because your car window is broken, was coming through the drive-thru really your smartest decision of the day?
-BIGGEST PET PEEVE: If you're driving up to my window to pay me, don't stop 5 feet before the window to make sure you find your money...I would literally rather you pull up and let me entertain myself watching you trying to find it than having to wait to see when you'll finally decide to pull forward.
-Is it really necessary to be smoking when you pull up through the line? Let's just say I did not wake up to get smoke blown in my face.
-I'm sorry if you hate having change...but DO NOT decide to pay your amount with only change. $2 or less? Sure, go crazy. (not too crazy, but still.) But $5 or more? Now you're just being vindictive.
-If you're talking on your phone while I'm trying to talk to you, it better be important. Like you're pregnant and decided the best time to tell the father was when you were buying yourself some pregnancy cravings.
-Saying "Keep the change" when the change is 1 cent isn't really that helpful...it's not like that extra cent is going straight into my banking account. But thanks..?
-If you said it's to go and I start putting it on a tray, don't get angry and say "uhhhh this is TO GO" because that literally makes me want to "uhhhh accidentally" throw your food away. Do you even know how many orders I go through in an hour? No need to be ruuuuuude.
-If you're coming to a fast food place and you're going to only spend less than $5, do you REALLY have to use a $50 bill? Cause now it's a whole process and managers gotta get called in and I have to go put it in the safe...not even worth it.

This are just some of the ones that I could remember and some of the funnier thoughts I've had. While some of these might sound like I'm complaining, I'm totally not. I'm poking fun at my job because it's fun and it keeps me entertained! I'm really happy I got the opportunity to work at Wendy's and I can't wait to see what other funny stories I'll be having :)

How to: College

I'm in my second year (fourth semester) of college, so I'm technically not considered a "noob" anymore. So I thought I would share my thoughts about how to do college (experienced college-er style). Here is my top 10 list of things I wish I had known or realized before coming to college:

1) Don't come back to school too early or too late. Too early = you're probably going to be alone for a day or two until other people show up. Plus, you look kind of eager (which I guess can be good or bad depending). Too late = you miss all the good hang out moments before classes start.

2) Really think about what stuff you need. There is a lot of stuff I brought my first year that I NEVER used and it just took up room. Usually, your college apartment or dorm room isn't going to be the biggest so unless you wanna sleep with that giant crockpot you don't know how to use, think things through pretty thoroughly.

3) Avoid buying school books from the school as much as possible. There are some cases where the books are strictly written and sold by the school. If that's the case...sorry, pal. Otherwise, just type the ISBN number into Google, Amazon, Half.com, etc and you will most likely find the book at a significantly discounted price. If you're some kind of crazy person who has to have all BRAND NEW books....you're weird and I hope you're rich.

4) Bring lots and lots and lots of quarters. You don't get to do laundry for free anymore - you have to pay now and ONLY with quarters. You wouldn't think that is such a big deal but just wait until you need to do laundry really bad and you're just one quarter shy of the total. Then, it's the biggest deal in the world.

5) Embrace the world of cereal. The common misconception is that Ramen is the food of college...that is SO WRONG. Cereal is the very foundation upon which the college itself stands upon. You eat in the morning, you eat it at night. It never gets old because there are so many different kinds! And please, who needs proper nourishment when you have sugary Cap'n Crunch?

6) Pick two options: good grades, social life, or sleep. You can't have all three. You can either have good grades and a social life with no sleep(and just start pumping caffeine directly into your veins), a social life and sleep but fail classes, or get good grades and sleep in which you pretty much go insane with how much time you spend at home alone doing homework.

7) Homework now, party later. There will ALWAYS be another party. It's freaking college! But your homework is more important than in high school. You are literally paying to do this homework so you better homework the crap out of it. Take breaks so you don't go insane, but if you fail classes, it is your own fault and nobody else's.

8) BYU-Idaho specific: The school has an honor code - you knew that when you signed up to come here. Don't complain about how you wish you could wear flip flops or shorts...if you do, then you're an idiot. You really wanna wear shorts and flip flops to class in negative degree weather? And curfew really is only helping you. There are a lot of different parts of the honor code, but each is important. And most importantly, it's not like you didn't know about it when you came here.

9) Constantly check your school email or the place where homework assignments/grades are posted. Teachers send out emails about if class is canceled and if you don't check your email, you just wasted 15 minutes walking to class. You didn't know that assignment was due today? Should have checked online. Those tools will be your life savers.

10) Make as many friends as possible. Join a club or do something out of the norm for you. If the only friends you have on the whole campus are your roommates, then you're doing something wrong. What if you get into a fight with them or they make other friends and are never home anymore? Then who do you talk to? Making other friends is one of the biggest ways to maintain healthier relationships all around. Plus, it's fun. And you never know who you might meet... ;)

Why I Chose BYU-Idaho

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the differences between BYU Provo and BYU-Idaho (not to say BYU-Hawaii isn't just as awesome, I just never had any interest in going there at all so for the sake of this blog post, let's focus on Provo and Idaho). Growing up, I never thought much about going off to college. There are some kids who know where they want to go since before the womb. I was never really dressed up in memorabilia as a baby or grew up knowing a specific college's fight song or anything close to that. Not that there is any problem with people who grew up with that; sometimes I wish I did, but I'm glad where I ended up.

In high school, I realized "Oh, I guess I should figure out what I'm going to do after high school..." because that's what everyone else was doing. Everyone seemed to know exactly what they wanted, what they wanted to do, where they wanted to go. Then there was me, kind of stuck with not too many options. I guess deep down, I always assumed I would go to a BYU school because of how cheap it is and it would be such a NEW experience to be surrounded by Mormons instead of how I grew up: in the east with mostly all nonmembers.

At this point, it was just between BYU Provo and BYU-Idaho. I had a slew of friends who had gone to both schools and I could tell they were both different! I pretty much knew about 100% that I wouldn't get into BYU Provo - my grades and ACT score were NOT up to par for the school. I did decently well in high school, but I never pushed my potential like other kids did. I wanted to have fun and experience high school to its fullest, not stay home worrying about homework. So I didn't get straight A's in high school. Knowing this, I was never expecting to get into BYU Provo.

I never planned on even trying to get into BYU Provo. After I realized I didn't have the grades that were required, I didn't want to even try. I was just focusing on BYU-Idaho. I had such a good feeling about the school (despite the weird location) that I was just putting my trust in fate. It was cheap, a lot of my good friends were there/going there, and it was the perfect size!

But then, right around the time I was applying for BYU-Idaho, I was talking to some of my friends that went to BYU Provo. They talked up the school (as one hopefully does for their college) and pointed out the good aspects of it: I knew a lot more people there, I had a possible in for a job there, and I had a sibling at the school! I got to thinking that maybe, just maybe I could get in...despite the fact that I knew deep down that I was never meant to go there.

I applied to both! It wasn't hard, just another $35 to put the same info and send it to a different school. Then came the waiting...it was almost unbearable. Just waiting to see if you got accepted or rejected is literally one of the worst feelings! You know you shouldn't let yourself get caught up in it because then if you get rejected, it will only hurt more. But you do it anyway because it's college, you know?

Then the day came - I got into Idaho! I was so happy because this is the college I really wanted to go to!! But everyone else telling me how awesome it would be to go to Provo got me thinking that maybe I wanted to go there...until I got rejected. I cried for hours! People brought me ice cream and cards. Why was I so upset if I didn't even want to go to that school? Because rejection is probably the general public's worst fear. I lied before, getting rejected in any way, shape, or form when it's such a major stepping stone in your life is one of the worst feelings.

Eventually, the sting of rejection became less so. I realized how lucky I was to be going to college anywhere, especially BYU-Idaho. People pitied me, saying how awesome it was that I was "at least" going to BYU-Idaho. But I didn't pity myself, I was excited. If I had gotten into Provo, I would have most likely decided on going there. I always knew that I would end up in Idaho and getting rejected from Provo was just the world's way of making sure I didn't get caught up in something and make a decision that I would regret later.

That's the thing about my story though. Sure, I applied to BYU Provo, got rejected, and ended up going to BYU-Idaho. That's one of the cliches people believe about BYU-Idaho, that's it is just BYU Provo's rejection pool. But it is the furthest thing from it. I actually know a lot of people that did not even apply to Provo because they knew they wanted to go to Idaho.

 I am actually grateful that I ended up applying to (and then getting rejected from) BYU Provo. I never have to wonder, "Would I have gotten in there if I had applied?" because now I know. I know that I'm meant to go to BYU-Idaho. I'm proud! That school is AMAZING. The campus emanates such a feeling of fun, love, and peace. That school is where I discovered my true passion. It has helped me make so many memories already with so many amazing people and I'm not even halfway done.

So if you ever hear someone talking about how BYU-Idaho is just where people who got rejected from BYU Provo go, tell them they are mistaken. Sure, we won't deny that those people exist. But they come to Idaho and fall in love with the school and then are so happy they are there, it doesn't matter! BYU-IDAHO RULES. Aw yeah.


***Also, here's a shameless plug of a video I made...but don't fret, it goes along with the theme of the blog***

check out "Stuff BYU-I Students Say" here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tge00i_CKP8

The Truth About Boys & Girls

Here's the thing about boys and girls - they're both crazy in their own way. Recently, I've learned that we all see things differently. Most importantly, boys see things differently than girls and vice versa.  So what makes us so different?

Boys: they see things as direct. They don't really see the subtle hints or relational aspects of things. I have known pretty much every male stereotype and it doesn't really change at all. This is why a lot of girls call boys "dumb". For example, if a boy and a girl go out as friends and the guy buys the food, the guy might just see it as him being nice and a good friend. The girl might see it as "oh my gosh, he's buying my food?? what does this mean?! " Or another example is when a girl likes the guy and everyone and their brother can tell EXCEPT for the guy. Why? Because that guy doesn't really get the subtle hints that the girl drops. He might not be interested in her as more than a friend or even think she's interested in him like that.

Girls: we are the opposite. While a boy might see just what something is, girls see EVERYTHING else on the planet. We over think and over analyze everything! A lot of girls do this because they're insecure of themselves, even if who they are is so amazing! This is why boys call us "crazy". We're not crazy! Girls get emotional (both positively and negatively) all of the time. If you think you get the short end of the stick, try living with 5 other girls your own age. (p.s. - I love my roommates! But we all do get crazy, myself included hahaha) We just feel things way differently than guys do. For example, say a guy texts the girl first. Sure, it MIGHT mean that he is interested in the girl as more than a friend. But if the girl is using that one time he texted her first as the basis of their entire nonexistent relationship, she might need to calm it down.

So the next time you call a boy dumb or a girl crazy, try to realize that it's a lot more than that! We don't see things the same.

**Sometimes, there are just some dumb guys and crazy girls. I can't really explain what their problem is....but overall, there's a general explanation behind everyone's behavior.**

How I Became Confident

The other day, I told my friend that I used to be shy and she was dumbfounded. "You, shy? You're joking right?" No, definitely not joking. A lot of people have told me that they think that I am a confident person. I'm glad that they see me as a confident person because it seriously took a lot to be where I am today!

Everyone has issues in their life that affects their self-esteem. Mine definitely had a huge impact on me from around age 11 and I became shy and afraid of what other people might think of me if they knew who I really was. At such a young age, it's hard to think anything else.

I got to about 14 and I was still pretty shy, didn't really talk out loud to other people much, and then I became friends with some of the louder girls at church. They were so much fun! I had wanted to be friends with them for so long because I just thought they were the coolest people ever. Without them knowing it, they influenced me so much and helped to break me out of that shell that I had forced my bubbly personality into.

Slowly but surely, by age 17, I finally realized that I didn't even care that much anymore. I'd love to say that I didn't care at all, but anyone who says that is definitely lying. I pretty much tripled the amount of friends I had just because I felt better about who I was as a person. The last three years of high school were amazing but I still had so much to do to fully grow into the confident person I am today.

First year of college happened. 2000 miles away from home, so many new people, completely new terrain and humor and everything that I had grown comfortable with. I became that shy person again for the first 2 months of college and I hated it! I felt like I was back in middle school somewhat. I was afraid to talk to people or make a fool of myself.

Then finally, I met some people who I became really great friends with and I broke out of my shell again. Why was I so afraid to talk to other people? Why was it a big deal? The answer is that it wasn't a big deal. I let my self-esteem get the best of me and make me think that I was too awkward or too loud to make friends and have fun.

That doesn't even make sense! Half of my humor is how awkward I am and the other half is how loud I am! When I finally realized that, I just wanted to have fun and make a bunch of friends. So now, in my second year of college I can finally say that I am happy with who I am. I love my personality, I love that I am loud, and I love that I can make people laugh.

Because of all of this, I am proud to have had a long journey to get to where I am. I'm comfortable in who I am, what I do, and how I act. And of course there will always be someone who doesn't like you but if they don't like you, then who cares? Because I sure don't.

So here's my last piece of advice to everyone: confidence isn't being loud or funny; confidence is being true to who you are and realizing that the only way to be confident is to be happy.

:)

The Snooze Button Syndrome

Lately, I've noticed how much I actually hit the snooze button when trying to wake up. When did the snooze button become such a thing? I literally set my alarm clock earlier than I want to wake up just so I can snooze it for like 30 minutes. Does hitting the snooze button actually do anything?

I feel like the snooze button is just dumb (in my opinion) because I constantly snooze and sometimes I snooze so many times, it passes the time I actually needed to get up. I almost wish the snooze button was like a mother. 

"Mommmmmm, five more minutes"

"No, you're getting up right now!"

Because usually, that made me get up. Or it involved me getting my blanket ripped off of me so then I basically suffered hypothermia and had to wake up. 

Who in the world decided that we needed to get just 10 more minutes of sleep? Those 10 minutes will literally pretty much do nothing for you. And for a lot of that 10 minutes, you're trying to force your body to go back to sleep. It's just a never ending circle of dumb. 

Now obviously, I like my snooze button. It's nice and worn down by now. But I only like it because it's pretty much just an extension of my laziness. It does not increase my productivity by any means - it most likely hinders my productivity actually. And I think this is where procrastination starts early. We know we are supposed to do something, but we keep putting off the inevitable until the last minute and then we're rushed and stressed because why didn't we just do it before now?!

I'm not saying there aren't some weirdos out there (just kidding....but not really) who practically JUMP out of bed in the morning as soon as their alarms go off and they probably don't even know where their snooze button is on their alarm. I know I'm pretty much the polar opposite of that. I like my sleep, my warm bed likes me, and so the cycle continues. But I just WISH that I was one of those weirdos who can just jump out of bed in the morning and start doing whatever I need to. 

I guess I'm just curious when the snooze button became a thing! If the snooze button had never been invented, I wonder if how we wake up would be vastly different today. We wouldn't get accustomed to the obnoxious sound our alarms make and would wake up fully the first time it went off. 

I'm trying hard to try and rewire my brain to realize how annoying that beeping my alarm is so that it will get so annoyed the first time, it won't want to go back to sleep and I can actually get stuff done. I'm wishing myself all the luck in the world because I'm at college and I'm always tired....and let's be honest, MOSTLY BECAUSE I'M AMY SCHNECK. :)